My Odyssey

Over the past several nights I’ve found myself unable to sleep and so trying to entertain myself in any way possible until I can finally pass out on the couch. I’ve taken up reading Homer’s Odyssey, and find that although I’ve read it thrice before, it is taking on much more meaning to me this time. Perhaps because I am going through my own sort of Odyssey as well. A journey full of twists and turns, my fate decided sometimes by myself, and sometimes by the Gods, where only bravery and quick wits will win in the end.

A lot of times lately, I haven’t felt up to the task. I feel lost, as though I’ll never find myself again. My family again. We aren’t what we used to be. This whole thing – this whole depression thing and everything that comes with it is screwing up my life for a second time, and all I can do is sit here and watch it fall apart around me. I’ve tried so hard to fix things, but now it’s unraveling too fast for me to keep up with and I’m so scared that I’ll lose it all.

There is no more comfort. Only pain and less pain. I weep all the time now. I weep because I am weak and afraid, and as far as I can be from the person everyone seems to think I am. I don’t know that person any more. I’ve lost her. I won’t ever get that person back. She’s changed forever. I need to accept this new woman who has suffered so much and do my best to move on with my life as fast as I can.

In the meantime, will my life hang in for me?